Every Woman Wants to Be in Sex In the City

So, I am back on the dating scene. Or at least attempting to be on the scene. There seems to be a procedure to all of this. I probably don’t have all the components, but I’ve got the general formula figured out.

It starts with the introduction. In my case, this is usually off of an online dating website. I express interest in them or they express interest in me. This proceeds to mutual acceptance and an exchange of contact info. This is the first test. Through a series of email conversations, can you intrigue this woman to want to know more about you but not say too much and scare her away? A delicate balance of releasing and withholding information ensues. I’ve been guilty of erring on the side of both too cautious and too much information. Sometimes, I still make a mistake, but I think I’ve gotten a bit better.

Eventually, if we are both still interested a meeting is suggested. We pick a time and a place and the first date is set.

Here is what I have been experiencing. We pick a restaurant that we think is amicable to both of us. This is usually some fancy place downtown (a lot of new places have opened up downtown so the options are endless). I’ve tried to stick to places I know, just for the sake of knowing that the meal will be good.

We meet at some mutually agreed place. I’ve taken to suggesting oddball places like particular statues in the park or sections of bookstores. I don’t think its nice to tell a first date to meet me on the corner and most women do not want to have their first date with a (seemly uncreepy) guy pick them up at home. So we meet and head off to the restaurant making small talk along the way. During dinner, conversation is tricky. Try to be charming, listen to what she has to say, ask questions and share a bit about myself. Sometimes the questions come out easily, sometimes, I can’t think of anything to ask. If dinner seems okay than there’s always the suggestion of going for drinks afterwards. If she accepts than we need to pick a place.

What I’ve gleaned from my first dates and introductions: every girl thinks living in the city is the greatest thing in the world. I agree its awesome, I grew up there. To them it seems like there is no place else to live. I would live there if the commute to work wasn’t terrible, but I don’t think I would be as gaga about the whole thing. That’s the difference. Most people move into the city as they get jobs, I ended up moving out. No regrets, no complaints, just the cards that I was dealt. For them, it’s a new place and a new adventure. But I digress…

Here’s my bad episode thoughts. It seems that there are “hot spots” in the city where everyone wants to go. They are not bars, they are not clubs. All the bars and clubs are now called lounges. Its all the same to me, but apparently, lounging is the in thing to do now. Shit, in that case, I was doing the in thing 5 years ago on my couch.

But, when I have one date one night and we end up at a particular lounge. Than a couple of nights later, my new date wants to go to the same place or the place two doors down, it gets old. Last weekend, I ended up in a lounge with one date and it turns out the woman I was scheduled to see two nights later was just next door.

I understand that there are places that everyone thinks is the cat’s meow, but how about some variety? Don’t you get tired of going to the same places with your dates as you do with your girlfriends? This is ridiculous. Can we not go to different places. Must it always be the lounges and the “in places?” What ever happened to going to a nice jazz bar with live music or walking the city after dinner?

I’m coming to the point where I think I’m going to have to make a change in my dating rituals. I can’t keep taking different girls to the same bars. I need to be proactive and suggest places that they’ve never been to. Maybe even shoot down their suggestions of “the lounge.” I wonder how they would react? Would I be the asshole that wouldn’t go to G-Lounge or the weirdo that doesn’t like Mantra?